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Polish rom-com Netflix Parade of Hearts The action takes place during the annual dachshund parade in Krakow, and I was surprised to learn that such an event actually exists. In fact, there are many such things in different parts of the world; Weiner dog pride is real, my friends, so keep your taunts and don’t turn up your nose unless the guy with the cleaning shovel calls out sick on the big day. As for me, I prefer the good old genetically diverse mutts, so this film had to work to win me over – let’s see how it does.

Essence: You would think that no one on this planet would be afraid of adorable little goofy little barking little dogs, but there’s an exception to every rule, isn’t there, and in this case, it’s Magda (Anna Prochniak). One day she was bitten by a dachshund, the product of an irrational phobia that will rear its head in this story when and only when she really needs it. For example, Magda’s big day: she is in line for a promotion to director of programs at high-profile Warsaw television, after which she and David (Kamil Sheptytsky) will get married, and her whole life will continue according to her strict plans. But her inability to keep track of her boss’s favorite dachshund Todd, who ate a giant cake and became terminally ill, leads to her being fired – and don’t you know, milliseconds later, she sees her fiancé kissing another woman. . Kabluy, her life goes on. As the old saying goes, the best-laid plans are inevitably ruined by the ridiculous circumstances surrounding wiener dogs.

Meanwhile, in Krakow, a slutty kid named Karol (Ivo Rajski), his goofy gravestone artist dad Krzysztof (Michal Czerniecki), and their bearded dachshund Trombone are the main participants in the city’s annual dachshund parade, which, if I’m interpreting this shitty rambling story, it’s such a big deal, the media wants to cover it, but the organizers just won’t let them. There has to be a way for Magda to get sucked into this scenario so she can get INSIDE INFO about the coveted dachshund parade and save her job, right? Right. She ends up renting a room from Karol, Krzysztof and Trombone and volunteers to help them organize the event. Her participation inspires a sequence in which she must learn to acclimate from her hectic pace of life in Warsaw to the tortuous, hectic pace of existence in Krakow, and navigate the city’s Byzantine bureaucracy in order to obtain event permits – a sequence that lasts for ages. the hair is shy forever and gives one single lonely raucous joke.

Of course, only a terrible person would exploit a naughty boy, his shaggy dog ​​and his widower father. So Magda is a nerd or what? Nope, but maybe a little. She keeps her intentions a secret and not only helps Karol in his attempt to set up a date with his sweetheart and makes cutesy eyes at the inevitably approachable Krzysztof, but also has very little trouble with the Trombone, so we can only assume that her phobia has passed. on fire along with his old life. Now, if this script isn’t ripe and ready for comic misunderstandings, mischievous colorful secondary characters wreaking havoc, and cute dog woggy antics, I don’t know what is.

Parade of Hearts Netflix Movie
Photo: Netflix

What movies does this remind you of?: Parade of Hearts from the same director Filip Zilber of the Polish Netflix rom-com. Love in a square, which was a similar set of ridiculous romantic comedy clichés. It’s also kind of like Gotta love dogs if it were confusing beyond reason and understanding.

Show worth watching: The material here lets everyone down, but I can see how Prochniak and Raisky manage to pull off a light comedy with a more focused, densely written script.

Memorable dialogue: “Measuring the dachshund is a very delicate and complex matter.”

Sex and skin: Kissyface rated PG.

Our opinion: Parade of Hearts puts together the bromide meat of hundreds of rom-coms before it – there’s no doubt about the outcome of this DOA plot – with a premise that aims for wacky but breaks away from silliness, jokes landing like wet spaghetti on linoleum. He’s not confident enough to build on his absurd premise (remember, THE MEDIA IS NOT PARTICIPATING IN THIS DUCKS PARADE), he skimps on cute animal porn, and it feels like the 40 minutes of the story stretched to 108. Calling it a wander is rude. understatement. Its tires spin, it falls into tar pits, it moves like a continental drift.

What about the characters? They come in all types: the fast-paced careerist who learns to slow down, the grieving widower, the short but energetic little boy, the crazy neighbor, the smirking oddball bride, the grieving widower’s eccentric friends and colleagues, etc. They barely show rough approximations to the recognizable human behavior when they make a story so artificial it oozes caramelized Sweet ‘N Low. In half an hour you will find it hard to care; Now imagine that you are sitting across this entire shebang.

Our call: SKIP THIS. Quicker Blart Parade, Fart Parade or Decay Parade.

John Serba is a freelance writer and film critic based in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Read more about his work at johnserbaatlarge.com.

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